Counting My Blessings Amongst The Crow’s Feet
So yes it is that time of year again, it’s my birthday. But this year I am forty and I am really feeling it. I never pictured myself at forty and it is scary. I shyly look in the mirror and find a grey hair. It’s my first present of the day, how wonderful.
Making my way to the kitchen a feel my body creaking and I ponder if leg arthritis is beginning. Yes this is the beginning of the end. I saw my future next week retiring with my cane because I could no longer walk or hold a job down.
I feel the rain begin to pour as I drop my kids off at school and thank the Lord above for my next present of walking from my parking spot in the rain to ruin my hair. This day is just getting better and better. But it does as I am greeted with a bunch of black balloons in my office. A nice joke but it didn’t help my mood.
To top it off there is a bouquet of black balloons from my well meaning co-workers. I try to laugh as I slump in my desk and really being a pity party over my declining state of being, knowing it is all down hill from here until death.
After lunch my phone rings and I look at the caller ID to see it is my best friend Lisa, who two years younger than me, is most likely going to in a loving way tease me about my age. But as I answer her call I sense something disturbing in her voice. She wishes me a happy birthday and that she is fine. But knowing her all too well I get her to tell me what is wrong.
With some goading and her apologizing for not being happier she finally tells me what is wrong. I slump back in tears as my best friend tells me she has breast cancer. Oh Lisa, how sorry I am for you, how selfish could I be for being so thoughtless and pitiful about my own life.
As I drive home I think to myself how fortunate I am. I have my health I don’t have to make up a disease. My kids are all healthy. I have a good job and roof over my head. There are so many people who have so much less than I do and they have joy. As I scold myself for being so innately stupid in my way of thinking I pull into the driveway where my husband and kids have made a special dinner for me and as I enter the door I no longer think about the crow’s feet but how blessed I truly am.